Well to tell the truth, after arriving back from France, my serene and tranquil mind that was so much part of my life before our trip seemed to have disappeared into thin air.
I have been bursting into tears at the smallest obstacle, such as when I was lost and drove up a one way street the wrong way in Durban. A man in a huge four wheel drive coming the other way, leaned out of his window as he passed me, shouting aggressively “Can’t you read, lady?” Once again I burst into tears, tears streaming down my face as I found my way home.
I have been repeatedly questioning myself: Why on earth am I feeling this way?
Friends and family came forward with all sorts of well meant advice:
- “You have nurtured your book for three years and other writers tell me that they do sink into the doldrums once their book is complete, being unsure of whether the contents will be well received by the public.”
- “You have had a tooth infection and have been in pain – that is why you are feeling low.”
- “You have had a wonderful trip with your family and now you have to get back to reality – it is natural to feel down.”
- “But you have all the answers in the book you have written – You should read your own lessons in your book You’re Awesome again.”
That’s it – I needed to be told to apply the advice of the great philosophers and leaders that I have put into my own book.
So here I am re-reading and applying the lessons in Chapter 1 . I am finding the time to experience solitude and silence each day which is putting me back on track. I am finding I am once again centred on my life goals, plugged into my intuition and my inner voice.
Psalm 46:10 reads “Be still and know that I am God” – I have reminded myself that it is only in stillness, when every other voice is hushed that I can hear the voice from within: the authentic voice of the soul.
It was Eckhart Tolle who said “When you lose touch with stillness, you lose touch with yourself. When you lose touch with yourself, you lose touch with the world.”
I am once again learning to work with my mind. The change is arising in its own way due to the effect of my quiet time each day. I am once again learning to simply be present in the moment and to come to terms with what is, with self-acceptance with whatever arises. I am once again learning that it is OK to have times of feeling low. I am learning to relax. I am learning to again let go of the strain of striving to get to a better place. I am coming to terms with myself. I am freeing myself from my inner confusion and turmoil.
Rob Nairn has written the most beautiful book called “Diamond Mind – psychology of meditation” which was given to me by a friend for my 60th birthday.
He suggests that we end every quiet session with the following prayer:
May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness.
May they be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
May they know the true happiness that is sorrowless.
May they be free from attachment to some and aversion to others and know the great impartiality of life.
This then is my prayer.